The buzz in LA today are the Proper Behavioral Codes and Standards of Dockweiler Beach. They are as follows:
DO find your own Secret Parking Spot. Street parking is unreliable and dangerous for everyone involved.
DO NOT bring too much beer. Like a whole cooler dedicated to beer. The cops will find you and laugh as they watch you pour it out.
DO NOT burn the couch. DO NOT burn anything toxic. DO NOT burn anything that emits black smoke. DO NOT burn anything that smells like you may be getting cancer.
DO share your fire pit with whatever wandering band of poor souls goofed around for too long and now can’t find a free fire pit. Especially if they have food. They will share, and you’ll find some new buddies!
DO NOT get too crazy with your fire-spinning. The cops don’t get it, they don’t understand it, and they don’t have time for your shenaniganery. They’ll laugh as they make you sit your ass down and stop spinning fire.
DO NOT bitch about the airplane noise. It’s actually pretty cool.
DO pack up and leave the beach by 9:45pm. The parking cops are vultures and will laugh as they merrily date your parking ticket “10:00:01pm”
DO remember that if you’re already wet from being in the ocean, you’ll stay wet. Fire will blister your bare skin before it dries your wet clothes.
DO NOT bring your frat party to the beach. DO remember that everyone else who’s not in a frat hates frat parties. And no one else on the beach is in a frat.
DO skitter down the hill if you can’t find the path down. You’ll be fine.
DO NOT hold hands as you walk on the quasi-sidewalk at the top of the hill. You will fall down the hill and you’ll take everyone with you.
And lastly, DO NOT take my Secret Parking Spot. I will hunt you down and throw sand on your fire.
Follow these rules and it’s sure to be a blast!
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